redxdollxshoes | boys will be boys...

One of the girls at my work just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. She's been dating him for a while now, they live together, and were just a few weeks away from moving into a condo they bought together. From what I heard, he hasn't slept with anyone, but he's dating someone (whatever that means...taking some girl out to dinner...don't know if I buy the "hasn't slept with her" part). I never liked the guy anyway...I only met him once and barely said hi and my only impression was, "Wow, he's tall." But I still got bad vibes from hearing about him because 1.) He told her to vote for Bush because Kerry wanted to tax the rich and he'd be out of a job if he had to pay more taxes (wanker). 2.) They'd been living together for a long time and she really really wanted to get married, but he kept refusing or putting it off because he was married once before, even though they were buying a condo together. 3.) Another condition of getting married was that he didn't want kids. I don't want kids either, and neither does Shawn so that's fine. But she did want kids and that's not something you should have to give up. Yeah, so big wanker, and the general consensus at work is that she's better off without him, though it's terrible she's so hurt right now because she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. (A few months ago she even arranged a surprise trip to Vegas for his birthday and invited all of his friends, even ones he'd been out of touch with for years. Wanker!)

The main reason why I'm posting about this...because quite frankly, it's not that much of a surprise, and better this happen now than after getting married or moving into the condo...is a discussion I had with another esthetician about it. Basically, she said, "Well, it's really hard because men are so visual. They're ruled by their urges." I said, "Yeah, but the decent ones can keep it in their pants." She agreed, but again said how much harder it is for guys, and how she can't imagine what it's like to be ruled by something outside of yourself. I guess the implication that all guys are fighting against their uncontrollable urges to fuck everything in sight bothers me. Probably because none of the guys I know are like that.

Are you? Guys on my f-list...are you constantly fighting against this mad urge to cheat on your girlfriend? Is it a daily struggle because you're so visual and women are these foul temptresses, constantly playing on your desires? If it was possible, would you run rampant in the streets, fucking anyone you could? Or maybe I'm crazy, because usually when couples I know break up, it's for different reasons, like drugs or lack of chemistry or lifestyles just becoming too different. What do you all think...do we just live in BizarroLand? Or am I right, and basically this guy is a wanker?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know it! It's so incredibly hard to pass up an opportunity to get sexxed up when it comes along. I'd drop trou to have teh lovin' anytime, anyplace, anywhere!

</Sarcasm>

OK, honestly -- I'm not real sure about the chemistry/hormonal differences between males and females, but I've never "struggled" with staying faithful to any of my SOs. Do I see things that interest me? Well, sure, I am human. But not acting on those types of urges is no different than not eating an entire chocolate cake just because it tastes good, or chopping someone's head off when you're mad at them. The Id may protest somewhat, but if you've developed your Superego at all, it's not so much a "struggle" as an "endeavor," you know?

I am going to take the "cheating as entire chocolate cake" analogy and run with it!

I was the cheater in most of my relationship - and I'm a female. Sigh! I think cheating has more to do with insecurities and other emotional issues than hormonal stuff, imho.

oh, and you're right - that guy is a wanker.

I've known girls who cheat. People don't ever seem to know how to explain that. Probably because we're not "visual." Blind as bats, we are. Because guys don't do things out of insecurity...it's because they just can't help themselves!

The guy's a wankpod. I'm afraid some of the blame rests on her shoulders too though. Because now that she's found out, if she doesn't have enough self-respect to be vehemently intolerant of a partner who'd cheat on her, then she's establishing a precedent for his future behavior. I hate to say it, but there's not a lot of foundation or future on a relationship like that (and especially considering the kids/vs. no kids point too).

Oh, and guys don't have it rough. That's either an excuse to dodge personal accountability, or a cover-up for lack of commitment.

No worries on that...this is the first she's ever heard of the cheating and she's outta there (in case I wasn't clear enough, it was another person I had the "men are visual" conversation with, not the girlfriend in question). Good...so it's confirmed that he's a complete wankpod.

Ah, good good! It's always nice to see or hear about people sticking up for themselves, not takin no guff. That's a bad bad situation, I feel for her.

what a cop out, saying ALL men are "visual" and have a hard time staying faithful... anyone who actually will say that about themselves has to be the weakest fcuk ever... i use to hear this crap all the time from men (or should i say little bois) who would come into the dungeon... blah blah blah "women are so faithful, its so easy being them... men are oversexed animals with desires that cannot be controled..."......

It's such a lame excuse...and it really is just an excuse to justify bad behavior. I hope you whipped them extra hard when they told you that crap.

i think the urge to cheat is a selfish and unthoughtout one. i personally get really mad when i hear about guys doing that. now, i can appriciate beauty in women that im not dating, but i find it to be an easier and less complicated existence to just get involved with the woman i find most attractive. that way, i have what i want, and dont dream about "the other" or the "fantasy"...
and love is more powerful then desire, in my case..

Yeah, I've never bought that line that men have these uncontrolable urges. Like people said above, you don't chop people's heads off because you're mad, etc. Humans have the ability to make conscious choices, and I really do wonder how some men justify their behavior. Having had several boyfriends cheat on me (not that I'm bitter), I think it really is some sorta insecurity/self-esteem issue. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have serious relationships until they've been through serious therapy I think! But cheers to the good fellows like Shawn and Aaron, and two fellas who are still my friends, the above-commenting Wade and Steve...Nobody's perfect, but I think it's a matter of if people learn from their mistakes or just keep pulling this shit over and over again that counts.

boys will be boys...

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