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redxdollxshoes) wrote2005-03-09 12:35 pm
redxdollxshoes) wrote2005-03-09 12:35 pm
Entry tags:
this is why it's good to keep journals
Last week I got together with an old friend from high school. We had dinner and talked about old times, and even talked about this intense dramatic period circa '94/95. I haven't even thought about it in years so I grabbed my old journal and read about it. Have you ever read old notes during a high drama period from your teens before? It can be eye-rolling embarrassing, but also kind of funny. I used to have this core group of girls I hung out with, and from that I only talk to Diane now. I guess it can be kind of a friendship evolution...the people who in the end aren't really that good for you get weeded out.
It was all my fault. Before I dated Bob, the first major relationship, I had a mad crush on this guy named Jason. To this day I can't figure it out...he's the complete opposite of every single guy I've ever been with since. He listened to bad music (classic rock and I was a little alternateen), wasn't that good looking (he was pretty bland), had bad politics, drank and did lots of drugs while I was still pretty straight edge, and was filled with an intensely aggressive maleness. I can only think maybe that's why I was attracted to him...some sort of yin/yang thing. He had just broken up with a girlfriend and was all heartbroken and started calling me and hanging out with me every day. He knew I liked him and I think he was interested at first, but ultimately never made a move on me, probably because I was so painfully inexperienced and naive (to give the boy some credit, at least he was a gentleman in this respect). All my friends hated him and couldn't understand what I saw in him, and I didn't really know myself. I'd gone to such a small school filled with brain-dead jocks, and to Jason's credit, he was pretty smart. His mind was always going going going, even if it was filled with the wrong things. Also, he was the first guy to ever really pay attention to me, so I just went with it. My journal was filled with all sorts of angst, like, "I just wish more than anything I knew what he was thinking," etc. One line that I absolutely loved was, "When we talk, I know he's being sincere, but when I write it down or repeat it to my friends, it sounds like complete bullshit." Hee! Oh the naivete! I was good friends with a girl named Natalie at the time, and Jason and I started hanging out with her and his friend John a lot, just driving around the city mostly because we were too young to actually do anything. She was practically engaged to this guy who worshipped her and was away at college. Well, Jason and Natalie started liking each other.
DRAMA! I finally realized what a tool Jason was and how he'd just been using me because he knew I liked him and it pumped up his ego, and I figured out hundreds of different lies he told me. Every girl we knew started being really nice to me and mean to Natalie, because that's breaking the Code of the Girlfriend...you do not date your friends crush. At least wait till the crush is long over. All the journal entries including Diane from that time were hysterically funny...she went up to a bunch of gangbanger wannabe kids from our high school and told them a bunch of lies about Jason. "You know Jason? He said you smoke rocks! He said all guys from Elmwood Park are pussies!" She'd crank call him and she never really liked Natalie to begin with, so she had no problem saying many many catty things. She even found out a month later by calling his friend and pretending to be a different girl that Jason was cheating on Natalie. Diane, we miss you! Maybe a few weeks after all this went down, my friend Jennifer set me up with this punk rock guy she worked with, and shock of all shocks, he actually liked me. Jason was forgotten, except as this bizarre footnote that never matched up with the rest of my life.
So Tania and I were talking about our high school reunion and the people who didn't go. Natalie only dated Jason for a short time (the kid was extremely bad news), but she had gone from this nice, plain-Jane sort of girl, to this Troubled Teen who was flunking all her classes because of this guy, dropped out of college, started dating someone else and got pregnant. She couldn't go to the reunion because that was her kid's birthday. I mentioned to Tania I kind of felt bad about that whole thing, looking back, but Tania made a face and said, "It was just as much her choice. That's what always pissed me off is that she never took responsibility for what she did or apologized." And it was true...when everyone got pissed at her she went from saying, "If you have a problem with this, just tell me because I'd rather keep you as a friend than be with him," to deciding they were Romeo and Juliet and telling me that "the ball is in your court" as far as our friendship went. I've honestly never missed her.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Jason. I can only assume he's either in jail, or living in a trailer somewhere with his third wife and a bunch of ugly kids. I guess you really aren't a teenager until you've liked the wrong guy and had some big dramatic blow up and write it all down in your journal, to giggle over ten years later.
It was all my fault. Before I dated Bob, the first major relationship, I had a mad crush on this guy named Jason. To this day I can't figure it out...he's the complete opposite of every single guy I've ever been with since. He listened to bad music (classic rock and I was a little alternateen), wasn't that good looking (he was pretty bland), had bad politics, drank and did lots of drugs while I was still pretty straight edge, and was filled with an intensely aggressive maleness. I can only think maybe that's why I was attracted to him...some sort of yin/yang thing. He had just broken up with a girlfriend and was all heartbroken and started calling me and hanging out with me every day. He knew I liked him and I think he was interested at first, but ultimately never made a move on me, probably because I was so painfully inexperienced and naive (to give the boy some credit, at least he was a gentleman in this respect). All my friends hated him and couldn't understand what I saw in him, and I didn't really know myself. I'd gone to such a small school filled with brain-dead jocks, and to Jason's credit, he was pretty smart. His mind was always going going going, even if it was filled with the wrong things. Also, he was the first guy to ever really pay attention to me, so I just went with it. My journal was filled with all sorts of angst, like, "I just wish more than anything I knew what he was thinking," etc. One line that I absolutely loved was, "When we talk, I know he's being sincere, but when I write it down or repeat it to my friends, it sounds like complete bullshit." Hee! Oh the naivete! I was good friends with a girl named Natalie at the time, and Jason and I started hanging out with her and his friend John a lot, just driving around the city mostly because we were too young to actually do anything. She was practically engaged to this guy who worshipped her and was away at college. Well, Jason and Natalie started liking each other.
DRAMA! I finally realized what a tool Jason was and how he'd just been using me because he knew I liked him and it pumped up his ego, and I figured out hundreds of different lies he told me. Every girl we knew started being really nice to me and mean to Natalie, because that's breaking the Code of the Girlfriend...you do not date your friends crush. At least wait till the crush is long over. All the journal entries including Diane from that time were hysterically funny...she went up to a bunch of gangbanger wannabe kids from our high school and told them a bunch of lies about Jason. "You know Jason? He said you smoke rocks! He said all guys from Elmwood Park are pussies!" She'd crank call him and she never really liked Natalie to begin with, so she had no problem saying many many catty things. She even found out a month later by calling his friend and pretending to be a different girl that Jason was cheating on Natalie. Diane, we miss you! Maybe a few weeks after all this went down, my friend Jennifer set me up with this punk rock guy she worked with, and shock of all shocks, he actually liked me. Jason was forgotten, except as this bizarre footnote that never matched up with the rest of my life.
So Tania and I were talking about our high school reunion and the people who didn't go. Natalie only dated Jason for a short time (the kid was extremely bad news), but she had gone from this nice, plain-Jane sort of girl, to this Troubled Teen who was flunking all her classes because of this guy, dropped out of college, started dating someone else and got pregnant. She couldn't go to the reunion because that was her kid's birthday. I mentioned to Tania I kind of felt bad about that whole thing, looking back, but Tania made a face and said, "It was just as much her choice. That's what always pissed me off is that she never took responsibility for what she did or apologized." And it was true...when everyone got pissed at her she went from saying, "If you have a problem with this, just tell me because I'd rather keep you as a friend than be with him," to deciding they were Romeo and Juliet and telling me that "the ball is in your court" as far as our friendship went. I've honestly never missed her.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Jason. I can only assume he's either in jail, or living in a trailer somewhere with his third wife and a bunch of ugly kids. I guess you really aren't a teenager until you've liked the wrong guy and had some big dramatic blow up and write it all down in your journal, to giggle over ten years later.
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